On French People and Other Musings
Now that confinement is ~sort of~ over and I have found my groove, I almost feel like I have less to write about. But I think the truth is really that I’ve actually been kind of busy the last couple of weeks and so haven’t been thinking as much about all the things I’m learning and all the things I could write about. It’s a good thing because I’m no longer stewing in my apartment alone counting down the days till I get to come home for Christmas, but I feel a weird sense of guilt about it that I haven’t been as observant and attentive to all the news things around me.
That being said, I do notice certain things that would be good to write about (and really need to do a better job of keeping track when I see or hear or do something so I can add it to the blog). The other day, I was walking from a grocery run with a friend, Akshun. We had gone to a discount grocery store (Lidl) and then stopped at one of the best bakeries yet. After telling the baker I was from New York and him saying he preferred Miami, I felt like I had this epiphany about French people.
I have a lot of things I could write about French people probably. Seeing as I’ve encountered many in my life between study abroad, living here now, and also growing up in a community where there was an absurdly high concentration of French expats, I feel like I’ve learned a lot about them. Not all French people are the same, but not all people are the same. I think it’s an especially interesting thing to write about vis-a-vis the popularity of Emily in Paris. I found it interesting that they specifically chose someone from Chicago to be the one to go to Paris, but whether they did this on purpose or not, it offers a great contrast because I think French people, Parisians most especially, are very similar to New Yorkers.
I have never truly found French people to be as rude and cold as the stereotypes say (though there are DEFINITELY exceptions to that rule). But I think my tolerance is because I’m from outside of New York City, where people are famously rude and cold. I think it has kind of given me a leg up, but also meant less of a culture shock like the one Emily Cooper faced as she moved to Paris. It’s not all that weird to me that people don’t go out of their way to be nice and friendly to you. They don’t do that in New York and I’m kind of used to it.
I once read this article about how New Yorkers aren’t actually all a**holes, they’re just, as the French would say, particulier. Everyone says New Yorkers move really fast and don’t take time to hold the door for you or anything, but I do think it’s because New York has for a while been this city with a very fast heart rate where people know what they want, and no one wants to disrupt that flow. I think it’s similarly true for the French (especially Parisians, because I should note that many of the stereotypes Americans have about French people are actually specifically about Parisians and not every Français, much like stereotypes about Americans are fairly regional - to an extent).
French people, in my experience and what I have noticed, have their own lives and don’t really feel a need to concern themselves with the lives of people they don’t know well. At first I was a little off put that none of my teachers asked me how I was settling in, how I liked France, if I was adjusting okay, if I found the confinement hard. And no one was going out of their way to offer to help me with anything. But flash forward about six weeks, and now everyone is way friendlier. I just think French people truly believe they need to get to know people before they really open up, and before they give off warmer vibes. In hindsight, this is probably not an awful thing and I’m not sure where American blind trust and warmth comes from.
I should also mention that like everything, there are exceptions to the rule (in this case not a rule but my experience). I met this woman who lives in Avignon through a mutual friend, and since confinement started, she has welcomed me into all of her social circles. Her and all of her friends have been nothing but warm, welcoming, and friendly to me. They let me tutoyer them (use the tu form instead of the more polite vous)! They are incredibly fun and funny, full of joie de vivre, and welcome my contributions to conversation even if it’s not just to offer the American perspective (which is often usually what I add to the lunches I have with my teachers).
It can be mildly frustrating to feel like no one wants to be your friend. And I also think now that I’ve gotten to know some of my coworkers and people I see regularly it’s easier for me to say it was easier since I’m from outside of New York City. But once they warm up to you, French people can be some of the nicest, friendliest, and most welcoming people I’ve ever met. They just need that adjustment period. Don’t we all?
Some other musings I wanted to share:
-I am rather entertained and bemused by the fact that in many cases, French streets will explain who they are named after (i.e. artist, author, philosopher) I wonder how we would do that in America when it feels like every other guy we named a street after was a slave owner and highly problematic….
-I still haven’t mastered the system of opening and closing hours. While I thought Sunday was still technically an “open” day compared to Monday where Avignon is a ghost town, I didn’t take into account most things closed at 2 PM. It’s sometimes very hard to figure out what day and time things close, especially with COVID, and coming from the US where I used to do my grocery shopping every Sunday night, this was somewhat of an adjustment.
-Everyone thinks French people drink a lot of wine, but it’s really not like that. It frustrates me often that my American upbringing and college experience has ingrained in me this concept of drinking for the purpose of getting drunk. That’s not really what wine (or any alcohol for that matter) was invented for. Here, it’s really an accompaniment to the food. You start with an apéritif of champagne and some salty snacks, then perhaps have a white with dinner (fish in this case), and then red with a chocolate dessert. But no one is chugging their wine, hardly anyone is asking for second glasses, and everyone is really using the wine to enhance the food (and vice versa). This is definitely a skill I need to work on.
-The holiday spirit here is alive and well, but I do find one somewhat interesting contradiction. French schools have a history and policy of laïcité, the separation of church from the state. This means that there can be no expression of religion within school walls. There’s a lot to say on laïcité but one thing I find incredibly paradoxical is that they talk about Christmas all the time and many of my classes have a Christmas tree. However, when it comes to Jesus’s manger, that’s the line they decide to draw. And you can’t talk about Hanukkah or other religious holidays around this time. It just feels not only contradictory but very different from my experience where we made sure we learned about all holidays.
-Learning Disney songs in French is really fun and I think I might make it my new party trick. Thank you for reading and also please note that these are merely my opinions and experiences and by no means true for or of everyone.
-There aren’t many photos in this post because I’ve 1) really settled into a routine and have already posted the pictures of my usual stops; 2) broke my phone and can hardly use it even though the camera works perfectly; and 3) it’s been fairly cold and grey here of late so everything just looks different and honestly less photogenic.