On Social Media Being a Highlight Reel
One of the things I’ve noticed time and again since this pandemic happened is how social media idealizes our lives to an absurd point. Even though it was something people talked about pre-COVID (especially with respect to FOMO since I tend to suffer from it heavily), I didn’t fully notice how true it was until COVID happened.
Social media went SILENT, because no one was doing anything interesting. And then once people started emerging from their quarantine lives come summer, I could really tell how people were only posting when they were doing something interesting (I myself did this too - nothing wrong with it, it’s a use of social media). I talked to so many people, assuming they were living these cool lives because they posted one cool Instagram story, and they all were living similarly to me - doing cool things when they could, a few times a week, but otherwise just working from home and masking up. It definitely made suffering from FOMO easier, because during spring lockdown I felt so much less stressed about missing out on things since I knew nothing was going on - my Instagram stories were empty. But come summer, it was hard again as people tried to one up each other with the cool road trips they were taking and interesting outdoor dining experiences everyone was having.
Once I got to France in October, I soon entered the other side of FOMO. Everybody was so jealous I got to be in France while the rest of America was stuck in the US, dealing with climbing virus numbers and a government that couldn’t manage itself. I tried to be open and honest on social media, admitting how homesick I was and how hard it was to pick up everything and move to a foreign country alone, during a pandemic, without knowing if or when anyone could come visit. But there’s only so far that goes - on the other hand, yeah, I was really lucky to be in France, getting a change of scenery after working from my bedroom for 6 months. Those first few weeks were a weird mix of feeling homesick and not wanting to act like everything was perfect while also feeling guilty for posting the cool things I was seeing, knowing there were so many people who lost family, close friends, jobs, homes, and countless other intangible things in the wake of COVID.
The tables turned fairly quickly (or so it seemed). It went from me posting about driving around the Côte d’Azur to entering a second confinement. I tried to be as upfront on social media about it as possible - I do think it’s important to be honest about what people are going through, especially as we’ve realized so much about ourselves and each other in these unprecedented times. I tried to post the good stuff as often as I could too, because I knew this was a special and unique experience. And, even though I was in confinement, unlike a lot of my friends and peers in America, I was still going into a workplace. If anything, this fall made me realize that while social media trends towards being a highlight reel, it’s okay to be vulnerable and veer away from what everyone else is doing, and post about the hard stuff (while also acknowledging the privilege and luck I had to be in France). Come winter/spring, however, things were different. France was still under strict rules while the US seemed to be beginning to return to normal. I would see people posting about eating out at restaurants (albeit clad in full winter gear), going on vacation to Florida, and getting vaccinated. France was still stuck with curfew rules and restaurants being closed. Because I’m admittedly living a fairly cool life just by virtue of being in France, I would still post cool day trips and food I made. I often got responses of “I’m so jealous of you” or “France looks amazing.” Yes - France is amazing (by virtue of being France!), but these pictures don’t show the full story.
While I worked hard to make the best of a tricky situation, I think I failed at being fully forthcoming about how day to day things were. I tried to respond to people saying, “it’s not all that,” because the truth is, having to be home by 7 is tough. Seeing how many businesses have permanently closed on walks through the city is disheartening. And listening to the news here and the toll the virus has taken on everyone, especially people my age, is downright heartbreaking.. But I also felt like I was being whiny and not appreciating what I have. So at times, I just stopped posting at all.
Maybe this is the end of social media as we know it. If it gets to a point where your feelings about what you’re sharing are so conflicting it no longer feels worth it, then I’m not sure if it serves a purpose. I’ve noticed a lot of bloggers have started posting about Mundane Mondays to show the less glamorous side of their lives. This is definitely a step in the right direction to removing this insistence that social media remain a place where we only show the best parts of our lives. I do think we’ve gotten better about sharing causes that matter to us instead of random selfies. And I think due to societal pressure a lot of people don’t post their random dinners out anymore anyway, which is definitely a step in the right direction.
However, now that France is in a third confinement and America has almost half of its population over 18 having received at least one shot, my FOMO levels feel much closer to back to normal. Also, as my time here comes to an end (my contract ends April 30th), I am experiencing so many mixed emotions about leaving, confining, and returning to an America that looks very different from the current life I’m used to (and the one I left in October). I haven’t been as vulnerable on social media of late, and I think that’s because I feel so conflicted. It feels weird to complain about being on lockdown in France when everyone else in America is living their lives so close to normal. The hardest part, too, is many of my followers don’t even realize that France is nowhere close to the US on vaccines, restaurants reopening, and returning to a new normal.
All this to say that at the risk of sounding too whiny and complain-y, this year, both due to COVID and living in France, has taught me that social media really is a highlight reel. It’s something I plan to keep in mind for the rest of my life. I’ve learned a lot of important lessons this year, but this is one that I think if I keep top of mind can help me lead a happier life. If I stop comparing how my highlight reel looks to others and make it less of a highlights and more of a real life reel, then hopefully we’re all the better for it.